He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
