i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
