Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
