Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
