I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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