Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
