remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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