apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
you made out with another girl for some wings
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
