but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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