i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
