I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
