May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
