I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
