i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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