Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
