the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
