Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
