no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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