Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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