Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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