i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
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