From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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