I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
