cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
