We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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