i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
