I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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