we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
