he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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