That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
