i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
