I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
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