He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
you had me at cake vodka
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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