And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
