She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
