Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
