I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
