I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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