I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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