Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
