I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
