how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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