not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Two words: nipple clamps
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