Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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