What a fucking waste of an outfit
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
