He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
