We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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