One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
