two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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