I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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