Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
