you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
